Overload: NICU day 14

Just when things seemed to be getting easier to handle; and by that I mean the feelings and emotions, we take some steps backwards. Sean and I had a great weekend together. We had a nice dinner with my family, we shopped for Christmas things and we ended the weekend with a wedding. As we had just gotten into the car to head out to the wedding, the hospital called... and there went all my eye makeup! I was a huge Debbie downer at the wedding because I couldn't get the babies off my mind. It was a beautiful wedding but I just couldn't keep myself together. It was the first normal thing I had actually gotten out to do since the twins were born and I couldn't even act like myself. I wasn't hungry, I didn't drink my one glass of wine and I was definitely not dancing....so Sean and I had to head out early, as Sean was pretty out of it too. My tears just poured out in the car; I couldn't stop them.

Carter, the stronger of the two (so we thought) has been struggling while breathing lately so he is now back on the nose tube which basically breathes for him. They said his lungs have either collapsed or he has an infection. Then the radiologist came to talk to us and she was either speaking French or German. No, not really it was just INFORMATION OVERLOAD!! She used words and terms and abbreviations that were so far over our heads. I didn't have one ounce of energy left in me to ask questions; my tears were sitting on the edge of my eyes and I was trying to keep them from falling. If I moved anything on my face or even if I tried to ask questions the tears were just going to pour out uncontrollably.

{notes from nurse: Carter-got blood transfusion at 11pm Sunday night, takes over 4 hours--blood was low, hope to get him going again, feedings stopped while red blood cells are working, will start feeding again tomorrow hopefully, giving body a rest all today, no kangaroo care today. will reevaluate everything tomorrow.} 

Luke on the other hand got another X-ray last night to check on his lungs. The lungs are still storing pockets of air so it's making it difficult for any air to get through. The radiologist explained that he could possibly have one of three things. These three unnamed things (simply because I cannot remember the correct terms right now) can all be things that could affect him later on in life. That's if his lungs don't develop correctly in the meantime.

{Luke is on a different ventilator now, called an oscillator which gives vibrations for constant breathing flow, nurse is coming down on setting already which is good, hopefully this is not long term. Nothing unusual. not being fed anymore until later tonight maybe, awake and alert, so shouldn't be sick}

Both babies were on really high oxygen last night and Carter is going to need a blood transfusion in the next day or so. They both grabbed on to our fingers and they held on so tight, more than normal it seemed. They would squeeze anytime the nurse would come by to check them. If felt like they were trying to say something..