and just plain tired of doing "this."
I don't wanna have to call and see how they're doing.
I don't wanna plan my evening around when they wake up.
I don't wanna eat fast food anymore.
I don't wanna wake up each night worrying about them.
I don't wanna think about them being There and us Here.
I don't wanna DRIVE to see my babies!
I don't wanna cry anymore.
I'm so tired of all "this!" Just, plain. tired.
I have no motivation at school, my attitude is changing and I'm just not happy. Ninety some days in the NICU, why is this happening to us? I was doing great carrying the boys. What happened? Was this really God's plan? What went wrong? H o n e s t l y, I don't think we will ever. know. why.
I want to be tired from holding them. And taking care of them. I want to feel like a real mom. I want our family to be a family. We don't want this anymore!