Monday, January 24, 2011

tired of crying

and just plain tired of doing "this."

I don't wanna have to call and see how they're doing.

I don't wanna plan my evening around when they wake up.

I don't wanna eat fast food anymore.

I don't wanna wake up each night worrying about them.

I don't wanna think about them being There and us Here.

I don't wanna DRIVE to see my babies!

I don't wanna cry anymore.

I'm so tired of all "this!" Just, plain. tired.

I have no motivation at school, my attitude is changing and I'm just not happy. Ninety some days in the NICU, why is this happening to us? I was doing great carrying the boys. What happened? Was this really God's plan? What went wrong? H o n e s t l y, I don't think we will ever. know. why.

I want to be tired from holding them. And taking care of them. I want to feel like a real mom. I want our family to be a family. We don't want this anymore!


  1. Hang in there. I know it's so hard when they tell you they are coming home and then the next second it changes...I think your emotions are all so normal. Your little ones will be home with you soon. Praying for peace of mind for you and your precious family!

  2. you're sooooo close sweet girl. praying over you. those boys are miracles- what a testament of His faithfulness. praying for carter and luke.

  3. Hang in there Amy! I won't even pretend to know what you are are going through, but I do know you are such a strong woman and you are already an incredible mom. We continue to pray for your precious boys and hope that they will be home VERY soon. What miracles they are! Hugs!