Holding back all the tears: Day 13

Daddy holding Carter while changing the bedding
  

We got to give them little baths last night and we changed out their bedding and the nurse told me to bring in two of our own receiving blankets. That calls for a little shopping.


 When its dark outside, it's so hard for me to let go of their little hands and leave them for the night. My hormones are still going crazy and I cannot hold back all the tears. I pray over the little ones each night and something about talking to God makes me even more emotional. I'm doing my best to be really strong for them, but it is so hard; The hardest thing I think I have ever had to do.

Carter after his bath

 They started getting two drops of my milk through a little tube. They get fed twice a day until they can start taking in more. Both babies have been pretty active, Luke a little more than Carter.

See the big tube in my left wrist?

Luke was getting a blood transfusion today because he pulled out the tube from his wrist the other day.

Luke napping during his photo therapy and blood transfusion

They were both getting photo therapy today which involves a special light above their bed that helps their skin to prevent jaundice. They put little foam covers over their eyes to protect them from the bright light.



I am getting discharged from the hospital today so I am very anxious to return to my own bed! I cannot drive for two weeks so I've made plans with mom and my mother in law to bring me up here each day and hang out until Sean gets off work to pick me up. This is going to be a struggle but I was reminded that I can come see the babies at any hour of the day, even 4am. I'm counting down the days babies...........11 weeks...........11 weeks......

The drive home was rough, literally on my 11 staples and my poor heart. I cried the whole way as I could see the backseat of my car full of all the wrong things, pillows, blankets, clothes, flowers and books. I saw the empty car seats and I couldn't stop sobbing as I kept mumbling  "We're forgetting them, Sean. The babies are suppose to be in the backseat,, they are suppose to be coming with us, this is not fair."